She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
