it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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