There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
