I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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