dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
