Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
