"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
