"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
