my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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