if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
