Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
