So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
just tell him i said nine months
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize