Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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