Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
