There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Boobs speak an international language.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
