**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
