pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
