You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Found your dick twin last night
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize