spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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