I look better un-naked...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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