yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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