I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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