I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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