I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
