Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
