am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
