Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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