I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
