1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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