just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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