You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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