So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
