and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
