Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
