i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
