Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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