I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
