im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize