Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
