i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
