i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
