I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize