In the future we'll all be gay
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize