Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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