Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
