why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
