They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
