Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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