sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
