After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
