Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My balls are so social today.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
