Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
