hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
