Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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