Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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