I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize