I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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