think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
