this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Everything about him screamed your future.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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