haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
The best revenge is premature balding
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
