Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
