he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
