i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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