i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
