My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
