that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I could fuck to npr.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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