yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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