I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
