Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
