I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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