You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize