census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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