I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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