Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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