im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I don't think brook has ever known best
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
