i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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