he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
