I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
