just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Randomize
