they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
