This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
