ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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