I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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