There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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