Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
