just come out here and I will go home with you...
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
