Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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