Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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